How to deal with your children's worries

1. Distressing media stories

News stories on missing children can leave youngsters feeling anxious that something similar will happen to them. Dr Richard Woolfson advises you say: “This child was unlucky and was taken by a bad person,” but follow it with lots of reassurance. You need to empower your children rather then frighten them with the harsh realities of life. ‘Say, “Here are the rules: don’t talk to strangers, don’t walk alone, etc.”’ explains Richard. ‘This helps give back a sense of control.’

2. Moving home

‘Involve your child in the move from the start,’ advises Richard. ‘Say, “We’re moving in three months’ time, let’s plan your new bedroom.” Arrange a date in advance for your child to meet up with their old friends after you move in.’ When you get to the new house, set up your child’s bedroom first and put all their toys in place so they feel more secure.

3. Starting a new school

‘It’s crucial your child visits the school beforehand,’ Richard explains. ‘They may be worried about not being able to find the toilets, for example, so do a grand tour.’ Make starting a new school an exciting adventure during which they’ll make lots of new friends. New school kit can help them look forward to the event.

4. Parents splitting up

If there has been a lot of arguing at home, remember to reassure your children that there’s still nothing for them to worry about. If you and your partner are breaking up, though, remember to stress that the split isn’t their fault but down to the fact you no longer get on. ‘Reassure them that there will be continued contact with the parent who leaves the home’ advises Richard, ‘and reassure them they can always get in touch when they need to.’  

5. Pet dying

If your pet is getting old it’s best to tell your child that it won’t be around forever, ‘Introduce the issue on a small scale first,’ advises Richard. ‘And answer all your child’s questions, no matter how trivial they may seem to you.’ For some children, losing a pet will be their first experience of death and while it’s upsetting, it can shape how they deal with loss later in life. After the death, it helps if your child plays a part in the funeral and also writes letters, poems or other memorials to it. In time, a new pet can help remind them why they loved the original pet so much.

6. Bedtime monsters

Of course there aren’t monsters under your child’s bed but belittling their worries won’t help. ‘Treat your child’s fears seriously,’ advises Richard. ‘Say to your child: “I’m listening to you, I understand that you’re frightened. And I’ll help you through it.”’ Never look under the bed as that suggests there might be a monster there. Instead, remind them monsters don’t exist, that you’re nearby if they get scared and reassure them nothing is going to happen to them.