Single parents: Help with handling the children

Single parents face all the same challenges as other parents along with a few more that are unique to their situation.

Single parenting can leave mums and dads feeling isolated and stressed as they attempt to juggle all the demands of family life, but although you may feel alone at times, there is a lot of support around for single parents.

Single parent family life

There are several ways people can become single parents. You may have become single following divorce or, sometimes, the loss of your partner.

"Often it follows the break-up of a relationship," explains Suzie Hayman, a trustee of the charity Family Lives who has written a book on the subject: Teach Yourself Single Parenting.

"But sometimes there wasn't a relationship at all. And, in some cases, people will have made the decision they want to be a single parent, for example through adoption."

Single parents: Breaking up

If you have come to single parenthood following a relationship breakdown, you may have being trying to protect your children for some time. This may have changed the nature of your relationship slightly.

"Sometimes, by the time it's decided you have split up, you realise you haven't been talking to your children," says Hayman. "But they have probably noticed a lot more than you think. So it's really important to sit down with your kids when you have that situation."

The most important thing, Hayman says, is to convey to your children that any break-up is not their fault.

"Children think everything revolves around them and often assume relationship breakdowns have been caused by them, in some way. If you haven't been discussing the situation with them, they may think you're blaming them. So reassure them it's nothing to do with them."

It's also important to consider the impact the recent atmosphere at home has had on your child. Talk to them about it but be careful not to do so in a way that casts judgement on your ex-partner.

"You may have taken your eye off the ball as a result of your unhappiness but it's important you consider how it's affecting your children," says Hayman. "Perhaps your arguments with your ex-partner are things you've been sharing with your children. You imagine the behaviour is so unreasonable the children must be on your side. But that's hellish pressure for your children and it's not fair.

"However children have been treated by their parent, they are still their parent."

While you may privately feel anger towards your ex-partner - perhaps this even relates to their parenting skills - it's important not to share this with your child.

"It's not fair to deprive the child of what could be a good parent, even if they haven't always been a good parent," says Hayman. "It's important to take a deep breath in the middle of all the arguments. When you are splitting up and you're so angry with somebody, putting all that to one side can be the hardest thing. But, for your child's sake, that's what you have to do."

Hayman suggests counselling or mediation may provide you with a way forward.