Parenthood: Life after baby

If you are about to begin maternity leave, you might be looking forward to all the free time you’re expecting to have. However, before you begin making plans to finish those DIY projects, catch up on a bit of leisure reading or watch all your favourite programmes, here's how new parents really spend their time.

“Feed, change, soothe, feed, change, soothe - all day long and all through the night.” That's how first-time mother Lydia Lizano sums up life with her four-week-old daughter, Katelyn. “The toughest part was when she cried and cried and cried and I didn't know how to soothe her. It took time to get to know which cry meant what. Nobody ever tells you how hard it is the first few weeks.”

A time of challenge

Psychologist Arthur Kovacs, says expectant parents would be better off knowing the real truth. “There are a lot of myths about becoming a parent in our society”, he says. “The biggest myth is that this should be a time of idyllic happiness. It's really a time of terrific challenge.”

“I feel like I no longer live for myself”, says Lori Freed, a pharmaceutical sales representative with a two-month-old son, Luke. Freed is on maternity leave and says staying home with a baby is “a lot more work than I realised. You can't imagine how much attention they need. Even though you know you will love them, you can't imagine how hands-on it is.”

Typical day

What might your day look like? Every baby is different, so there is no way to predict a typical day with your newborn, but Freed says a typical day with Luke goes something like this:

7am: feeding

8am: play for an hour

9am: feeding

10am: nap

Noon: feeding

2pm: feeding

3pm: nap

4pm: feeding

6pm: feeding

8pm: feeding followed by bath

9pm: baby goes to bed

10pm: mum goes to bed

1am: feeding

4am: feeding

It looks like Freed has a couple hours between each feeding, but in reality Luke feeds for 20-30 minutes each time, leaving her with only an hour and a half between feedings. That time is quickly filled with preparing and eating her own meals, doing dishes and other household duties, and changing nappies - five or six wet nappies and a couple of soiled nappies every day.

Freed says she is glad she decided to breast-feed, but it takes up far more time than she had imagined. “It's hard to get things done with a baby who eats for 20 minutes every couple of hours”, she says.

Freed's experience is typical for a breast-feeding mother. Breast-fed newborns usually nurse eight to 12 times per day, and experts recommend you feed your newborn as often as he or she wants to be fed.