When parents argue constantly

Does it seem like your parents argue constantly?

Say you're in your room relaxing, reading a magazine and listening to your iPod. In another part of the house, you hear a conversation. It starts softly, but gradually gets louder and more intense. You turn up the volume on your iPod as you hear more shouting. There's the bang of a fist on the table, the crash of a dish on the floor. More loud, angry words, even swearing. Your stomach becomes a knot, and you think, "There they go again"! Your younger brother comes running into your room, tears in his eyes and fear on his face. You hold him until things quieten down.

This kind of scenario happens more often than you think. Yes, it's normal for parents to argue now and then. Parents can disagree about many things, from finances to how to raise children. Some disagreements might be big, such as whether to move to a new town or take a new job. Some seem small, like those about what's for dinner or whose turn it is to take out the rubbish.

Arguments happen in most families. But violent arguments like the one described above are upsetting.

What happens when parents argue?

Most of the time, parents can disagree with each other and still manage to talk about it calmly. Other times, parents disagree strongly and they argue. Someone has called arguments "fights using words". The old saying "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" simply is not true. Words can hurt.

When parents argue, it's normal for teenagers to worry. When parents shout angry words, young people feel afraid, sad, and upset. Sometimes arguments use silence -- when parents are angry at each other, and don't talk to each other at all. Silent arguing can be just as upsetting as loud arguing.

Sometimes the argument is about the children. This might cause teenagers to feel like they are to blame. But parents' behaviour is never the teenagers’ fault.

What does it mean when parents argue?

In addition to feeling guilty about their parents' arguments, young people often fear that their parents don't care about each other anymore. They may fear their parents will get a divorce. Even though divorce is common, arguments don't necessarily mean that the parents don't love each other any more or that they're going to divorce.

Most of the time when parents argue, it's because they are tired or stressed or have had a bad day and lost their patience. Almost everyone loses his or her cool every now and then.

Sometimes when parents argue, they act just like children. They get upset. They cry. They shout. They may say things they don't mean.

Sometimes an argument can be over nothing, and happens because one or both of the parents is not feeling well or is stressed from work or other concerns. Many times, the parents don't even know what's bothering them. They just lash out at whoever is closest.