Getting pregnant can be harder than you’d think

If you’ve been trying to have a baby but nothing is happening, you are not alone. One in seven couples in the UK has difficulty getting pregnant.

"It was a surprise because I fully expected, like every woman does, that when the birth control was gone, it would happen next month," says one woman who had been trying for three years. The couple had even begun some initial fertility testing to make sure everything was OK, although she became pregnant shortly afterwards.

Their story is common. Maybe we all learned our lessons too well back in school, squirming uncomfortably at our desks as our sex education teacher ominously warned how easy it was to get pregnant. Many of us certainly devoted enough effort trying to avoid it all these years until the time was right.

The fact is getting pregnant is often more difficult than we've assumed, especially the older we get.

"Many people think that human reproduction is a much more efficient process than it really is," agrees fertility specialist Dr Robert Stillman.

So to avoid the surprises -- and disappointments -- that might come with failure in those first few attempts, here's the lesson you probably never heard from your parents or teachers on how to get pregnant.

The odds are in your favour

First of all, rest assured that the odds are definitely with you. About 85% of all couples will get pregnant within a year, but it's also wise to have some realistic expectations. The average time it takes to conceive, for instance, is about six months, and women under 35 should wait until they've tried for a year before they seek referral to a fertility specialist, says Stillman.

For older women, the picture changes. Not only could it take longer to conceive, but the chances of success start to reduce.

"Women 35 and older who think things aren't quite right -- maybe their menstrual cycle is off -- should bring that to someone's attention fairly quickly, within three months if they're not pregnant yet," says Dr Michael Zinaman, a specialist in reproductive endocrinology. "If things seem absolutely fine, then they should contact someone after six months."

The problem is that many women nowadays who are postponing having children until later in life for a variety of reasons often don't realise until it's too late about the reduced odds, says fertility specialist Dr A.F. Haney.

"There's this Susan Sarandon effect -- everyone sees a 42-year-old woman getting pregnant, and they think there's no problem waiting," Haney comments. "They need to understand the biological realities that go along with those life choices -- that by waiting, there's an increasing risk they'll stumble or be unsuccessful -- and many people, had they known that information beforehand, might sequence things differently."