The art of ageing gracefully

In Nora Ephron's best-selling book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, she laments the sorry state of her 60-something neck: "Our faces are lies and our necks are the truth. You have to cut open a redwood tree to see how old it is, but you wouldn't have to if it had a neck", she writes.

"Every so often I read a book about age, and whoever's writing it says it's great to be old. It's great to be wise and sage and mellow; it's great to be at the point where you understand just what matters in life. I can't stand people who say things like this. What can they be thinking? Don't they have necks?"

With rueful humour, she writes about smoothing her face with injectable dermal fillers and botulinum toxin, reading in large type, and grieving the deaths of beloved friends. Ultimately, Ephron concludes, "The honest truth is that it's sad to be over sixty".

Yes, getting older is rife with emotional landmines, gerontologists say, including fears of losing one's independence or getting a serious illness. Ageing gracefully isn't always easy, but attitude matters a lot, experts say.

"For some reason, our society is very obsessed with pointing out negative aspects of ageing", says Dr Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychology.

She cautions, "Don't get bogged down in all the hype about ageing. Once you start thinking about it, it can drive you mad. There's nothing you can do; the clock is going to tick away".

Happy camper

Of course, not all older people are pessimistic. Some, such as Kirt Spradlin, don't care about what their necks look like.

The great-grandfather is one of those vigorous and optimistic elders who astounds his peers. Naturally, he tires more easily and has to take things slower, he says. Having battled prostate cancer, he relishes every single month that life affords him. When asked his age, he proudly replies, "79 and a half".

The former electrical engineer took up a new hobby after retirement: mountain climbing. He has climbed Mount Whitney and Kilimanjaro and trekked to Mount Everest's base camp. Just last year, he and wife Donna went on a week-long back-packing trip, just the two of them alone in the wilderness. Donna is 80.

"People think we're nuts", he says, but for him, ageing with a bad attitude is simply out of the question.

The Spradlins have grown old with astonishing grace and acceptance. Depression is a real threat among the old; some drift into isolation, bitterness, and a sense of meaninglessness. Still others are determined to go down swinging. Face-lifts and tummy tucks?  Yes please!   

Experts who have worked with thousands of older people share their insights into how you can navigate emotional challenges in order to age gracefully.