A caring man is attractive

What do women want? For those who've ever pondered this question, BootsWebMD offers 19 relationship secrets. They're based on the study of healthy, happy couples and our changing gender roles. Secret 1: women appreciate a man with a sensitive side, especially when they're upset.

Chivalry still has a place

When it comes to romance, many women do like men to take a traditional masculine role. This is especially true in the wooing stage of a relationship, according to psychologist Dr Diana Kirschner who's written several books about love. A woman is perfectly capable of pulling out her own chair or opening a door, but if you see her hesitate, she might just be waiting for you to be a gentleman.

Dress to impress

Styles come and go, but a man's attention to his grooming and clothing should be long lasting. It's important to women from the first flirtation through to a honeymoon and beyond. "You’ve got to figure out if there’s a certain look that she likes," says Diana Kirschner. "If she likes a guy in tight jeans, you wear tight jeans."

Guy wears red, guy gets girl

OK, this tip doesn't come from women, but from clever testing by psychologists of women's subconscious preferences. One intriguing study found that the colour red made men seem more powerful, attractive and sexually desirable to women, There’s a caveat, though. Red doesn’t make guys appear nicer or kinder. That part is up to you.

Don't hide your flaws

Nothing captures a woman's heart quite like a good man who wants to be a better man, according to love guru Diana Kirschner. "Women love personal growth; they love a man who is thoughtful and sensitive." She likes it when her man recognises a flaw - a short temper, for example, or a regularly sullen mood after work - and loves it when he makes an effort to address it.

Don't try to fix her world

When something’s bothering her, she wants your ear, not your advice. "Men feel the need to fix things because they are solution-orientated," says Diana Kirschner. "But to a woman, really listening is a wonderful, wonderful thing that deepens the relationship."

Nodding is not enough

Listening is important, but she also wants to know that she is being heard. Nodding along isn't enough. When she pauses, she’s giving you a cue to respond in a compassionate, caring way, says Diana Kirschner. If she tells you that she is upset because her boss gave her a hard time, she wants to hear you say: "I’m sorry that work was such a pain for you today." And remember, resist the urge to offer solutions.

Date three is not a bedroom key

The three dates before sex rule is an urban legend. Women don’t set a timetable on when they’ll invite a potential partner into the bedroom. Some women will want to have many dates before sex. UK research in 2009 found that not sleeping with a partner on the first date could help find a successful long-term match. Dr Peter Sozou from Warwick Medical School and the LSE says: "Bad males give up at some random time if the female has not by then mated with them, but good males are more persistent and do not give up."

Women like the slow lane

Men often want to take the quickest path to sex, but many women prefer the scenic route along winding B roads. "Women want sex but they get to it in a different way," says psychologist Diana Kirschner, who has helped hundreds of couples achieve a more rewarding relationship. "They want to feel connected and understood; they want to be romanced." That means time and talking and touching - in other words, foreplay.

Safe sex is a turn-on

This is something both of you need to focus on, but Diana Kirschner says women appreciate it and feel more protected when the man makes clear that it’s a concern to him - and then shows her he practises what he preaches.

Learn what she wants in bed

Women do like to talk about what's going on in bed, and they want to please their man - and a tactful approach is often best. Ask her what she likes and ask for what you want in a positive way. Diana Kirschner advises saying something along the lines of, "I would really love if you [fill in the blanks]."

Performance anxiety is shared

When you have an off night and can't perform, she feels bad, too. She might worry she no longer turns you on and she will want assurance that is not true. She will want to talk about what’s going on and what you are doing about it, especially if it’s a recurring problem. "It’s a touchy thing for both of you," says Diana Kirschner, "but talking about it is a plus."

Mirroring is a barometer of love

Remember the saying "imitation is the highest form of flattery"? A woman often conveys how she feels about you by mirroring your moods and moves. She may order a meal that matches yours, wear your favourite colour, or smile or cross her arms when you do. Mimicking is her way of putting you at ease and letting you know she is charmed.

Your shirt may be a love magnet

Does your partner curl up in your cricket jumper or sneak into your work shirt? Some researchers have found that the scent of a man's perspiration has a relaxing effect on women.

Say it, again and again

Women like to be told they look nice, and they like a man who notices without being told. When she’s wearing a sexy new dress, for example, get brownie points by saying how lovely she looks, especially if you mention the dress before she does. If she’s looking particularly attractive, if she has a new hairstyle, let her hear about it.

Don't fear the relationship talk

When a woman wants to talk about the relationship, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong (well, not necessarily). Diana Kirschner says many women like to talk about what's going well, what's going wrong or simply what’s going on. This is a good thing. An honest, wide-ranging talk can bring the two of you closer.

Look your partner in the eye

You may feel more comfortable sitting side by side, but many women prefer face time - and we don't mean the latest mobile video chat technology. Diana Kirschner says women prefer their men to make eye contact with them as they're talking. Looking her in the eye during sex will deepen the relationship outside the bedroom.

Don't miss the moment

How do you know if she is ready to commit? She’ll say so. This is something women are often quite upfront about, but they don't want to have "the talk" too often. If she’s ready and she's given you time, the next time the subject comes up, be prepared!

Romance is simple - keep it coming

Romance is something she will always want, whether you’ve been together two months or 20 years. Flowers, an intimate dinner, a few lines of love poetry - don’t worry, they don’t have to be your own - just Google some! It might sound like a cliché, but Diana Kirschner insists most women appreciate such simple romantic gestures and often show their appreciation after the lights go down.

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