Mental health: Coping with grief

Dealing with grief and loss is something most people have to do sometime in their lives. Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone or something very dear to us. Losses that may lead to grief include the death or separation of a loved one, loss of a job, death or loss of a beloved pet, or any number of other changes in life such as divorce, children leaving home or retirement. Anyone can experience grief and loss, but each person is unique in how he or she copes with these feelings.

Some responses are healthy coping mechanisms, while others may hinder the grieving process. The acknowledgment of grief, time and support facilitate the grieving process, allowing an opportunity for a person to appropriately mourn a loss and then heal.

Common reactions to grief or loss

The stages of grief reflect a variety of reactions that may surface as an individual tries to make sense of how a loss affects him or her. An important part of the healing process is allowing oneself to experience and accept all feelings that are experienced. The following are the stages of grief:

• Denial, numbness and shock. This stage serves to protect the individual from experiencing the intensity of the loss. It may be useful when the grieving person must take action (for example making funeral arrangements). Numbness is a normal reaction to an immediate loss and should not be confused with "lack of caring". As the individual slowly acknowledges the impact of the loss, denial and disbelief will diminish.
• Bargaining. This stage may involve persistent thoughts about what could have been done to prevent the loss. People can become preoccupied about ways that things could have been better. If this stage is not properly resolved, intense feelings of remorse or guilt may interfere with the healing process.
• Depression. This stage of grief occurs in some people after they realise the true extent of the loss. Signs of depression may include sleep and appetite disturbances, a lack of energy and concentration, and crying spells. A person may feel loneliness, emptiness, isolation and self-pity.
• Anger. This reaction usually occurs when an individual feels helpless and powerless. Anger can stem from a feeling of abandonment through a loved one's death. An individual may be angry at a higher power or towards life in general.
• Acceptance. In time an individual may be able to come to terms with various feelings and accept the fact that the loss has occurred. Healing can begin once the loss becomes integrated into the individual's set of life experiences.

Throughout a person's lifetime, he or she may return to some of the earlier stages of grief. There is no time limit to the grieving process. Each individual should define his or her own healing process.

Factors that may hinder the healing process

Some factors may hinder the healing process following a loss. These can include:

• Medicating with drugs, alcohol or other substances
• Compulsive behaviour
• Avoiding emotions
• Minimising feelings

Factors that may help resolve grief

An individual can help to resolve grief by:

• Allowing time to experience thoughts and feelings openly to oneself
• Expressing feelings openly or writing personal diary entries about them
• Remembering that crying can provide a release
• Confiding in a trusted person about the loss
• Acknowledging and accepting both positive and negative feelings
• Finding bereavement groups in which there are other people who have had similar losses
• Seeking professional help if feelings become overwhelming