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Spice up sex in a long-term relationship

9 tips for getting the thrill back
WebMD Feature
Medically Reviewed by Dr Rob Hicks

Remember when you and your partner first got together? You probably couldn't keep your hands off each other. Fast forward a few years and your sex life may well have gone off the boil. The thrill of a new relationship can't be sustained long-term, but if sex is boring and happens once in a blue moon you may need to rekindle sexual desire.

Sex is often put on the back burner in a long-term relationship. You're both tired, the kids aren't asleep, you've got hassles at work, or there's just not the time. There are loads of reasons, or excuses, why people find themselves reaching for the pillow, remote control or glass of wine at the end of a long day rather than their partner.

Having sex in long-term relationships is really important. If your sex life is a little lack lustre there are plenty of ways to reconnect and get your mojo back.

1. Spice up sex if it's boring

If you've been together for a few years you probably know what you are going to get in terms of sex. There's probably a pattern or formula for sex which you both fall into.

"In a new relationship, the excitement levels are bound to be much higher," says sex therapist and author Phillip Hodson. "It's more of a novelty."

You get butterflies when you see them, you are all over each other and you find them fascinating in every way.

A few years on and things may have changed. Obviously, you can't switch partners every time the excitement fades. Instead, change other things.

Change where you have sex. Get off the bed and onto the kitchen table. Change the time you have sex, don't always do it when it's dark, have sex in the daylight. Change your position - if your partner's always been a missionary man, make it your chance to be on top. Maybe introduce sex toys into your love making.

Cast aside the unsexy fleecy pyjamas or old band T-shirt that you sleep in.

Sex and relationships author and expert Tracey Cox says: "Try to go to bed at the same time and sleep naked. Skin to skin contact is crucial for keeping the connection going."

Phillip, who's written many books including the best-seller 'How to make great love to a woman', says it's time to ratchet the excitement levels back up. "You need to intrigue your partner, woo their minds, and take charge. Have a quickie. Maybe do something as simple as change the light bulb in your bedroom to blue or red, just to make sex a bit different."

2. Sexual role play

For some couples role play may help get the thrill back. Ask your partner about their fantasies and talk about your own. You may be surprised!

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