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Getting in the mood

6 tips to pep up your sex life in a long-term relationship
By
WebMD Feature
Medically Reviewed by Dr Rob Hicks

Sex can sometimes feel just like another thing on your to-do list. You're both tired. The kids aren’t asleep. You’ve got lots going on at work. You need to do the internet food shop. You haven’t shaved your legs for months. There’s just not the time.

We can think of all sorts of excuses for not paying attention to our sex lives. There are many reasons why people in long-term relationships find themselves reaching for the pillow or the remote control instead of their partner at the end of a long day. But a healthy sex life is a key part of an intimate relationship and if yours has gone off the boil there are ways to get your mojo back.

1. If it’s boring - spice it up

"In a new relationship, the excitement levels are bound to be much higher," says sex therapist and author Phillip Hodson, "It’s more of a novelty."

You get butterflies when you see them, you can’t keep your hands off each other and you find them fascinating in every way.

A few years on and things may have changed. Obviously, you can't switch partners every time the excitement fades. Instead, change other things.

Change where you have sex: get off the bed and on to the kitchen table. Change the time you have sex: don’t always do it when it’s dark, have sex in the daylight. Change your position; if your partner’s always been a missionary man, make it your chance to be on top.

It can all get a bit predictable. If you have been having sex with the same partner for years, you know what to expect.

Sex and relationships author and expert Tracey Cox says: "Try to go to bed at the same time and sleep naked. Skin to skin contact is crucial for keeping the connection going."

Phillip, who’s written many books including the best-seller "How to make great love to a woman", says it’s time to ratchet the excitement levels back up.

"You need to intrigue your partner, woo their minds, and take charge."  

"Have a quickie. Maybe do something as simple as change the light bulb in your bedroom to blue or red, just to make sex a bit different. "

Fantasy is important in the realm of sexual excitement. He says: "The largest sex organ in the universe is the human imagination."

But wellbeing coach Naomi Martell says: "If you try something wildly different, you’re both likely to feel uncomfortable, so just go one or two steps further.

"If you always make love in the bedroom, try another room in the house. If you are already using different rooms in the house, try to find somewhere secluded in your garden (and avoid full moons as they light up everything!)"

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