Teenage relationships: Am I in an unhealthy or abusive situation?

Sometimes, an unhealthy or abusive relationship is very easy to spot. Consider this example:

Tina’s parents were watching television as Tina burst through the front door without closing it and ran into her bedroom. Her parents went to Tina's room to investigate. As they approached their daughter's bedroom, they could hear her crying hysterically. They asked if they could come in. Tina said yes.

Once they were in the bedroom, Tina turned to look at them, and they saw a bright red mark on the side of her face.

"He slapped me ... Dave hit me," Tina screamed. "We were sitting in his car outside of our house talking, and we got into an argument about his friends. I just don't like hanging around some of them. Well, Dave got so mad that he slapped me in the face. I've seen him lose his temper before but I never thought it would be like this."

Tina's parents were frightened for their daughter and knew they had an extremely serious situation on their hands.

Warning signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship

Tina's situation is far more common than you might imagine. A Home Office survey revealed the following eye-opening facts:

• One out of three teenage girls has experienced sexual assault in a dating relationship.
• 25% of girls said they have been hit or physically attacked by a partner.
• 18% of boys said they have been hit or physically attacked by a partner.

While these situations are serious and require drastic action, a relationship does not have to involve physical violence to be unhealthy. Here are some additional warning signs your relationship is in trouble:

• Controlling behaviours, such as not letting you hang out with your friends, telling you what to wear, having to be with you all the time, or calling or texting you frequently to "check up" on you.
• Verbal and emotional abuse that involves calling you names, jealousy, putting you down and threatening to hurt you or a family member if you don't do what they want. In the same Home Office survey, 75% of girls have been verbally abused by their boyfriends.
• Sexual abuse that includes unwanted touching and kissing, forcing you to have sex or forcing you to do other sexual things.

What if I am in an unhealthy or abusive relationship?

Some teens involved in unhealthy or abusive relationships think it's their fault. They may feel helpless to stop the abuse, or feel threatened or humiliated. You must understand that nothing you say or do gives anyone the right to abuse, intimidate or hurt you.

Trust your gut feelings. If something feels uncomfortable or wrong with the relationship, then it is not healthy. You must end the relationship, even though it's difficult to leave someone you care about. If it is difficult to leave, you may need help. Here are some tips for ending an unhealthy or abusive relationship:

• Get help immediately. Don't keep your concerns to yourself.
• Break the silence. Talk to someone you trust, such as a parent, teacher or a school adviser. Tell them what the other person has done to you and how they treat you.
• The law mandates that certain adults (teachers, counsellors, doctors, social workers) report neglect or abuse to the police or to child protective services. If you'd like to talk to an adult anonymously, call ChildLine on 0800 1111 or visit their website at www.childline.org.uk.